Sometimes, things just don’t serve their purpose—they break, fail, or simply don’t help. But instead of saying “This is useless,” why not use a creative simile to express it?
A simile compares two things using “like” or “as,” making descriptions more vivid and engaging. For example, instead of saying “This broken clock is useless,” you can say “This broken clock is as useless as a sunhat at night.”
In this article, we’ll explore witty and impactful similes for uselessness, categorized for different situations. Whether you’re writing, joking, or simply trying to make your point, these similes will help!
Similes for Useless Objects
When something doesn’t work, these similes perfectly describe its worthlessness.
As useless as a chocolate teapot
- Meaning: Something completely impractical.
- Example: A waterproof towel? That’s as useless as a chocolate teapot.
Like a screen door on a submarine
- Meaning: Something that clearly can’t work in its situation.
- Example: Giving a fish a bicycle is like a screen door on a submarine—completely pointless.
As useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle
- Meaning: Something unnecessary in its setting.
- Example: Trying to teach my cat tricks is as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
Like a solar-powered flashlight
- Meaning: Something that doesn’t work when you need it.
- Example: A glow-in-the-dark lamp is like a solar-powered flashlight—makes no sense!
As useless as a glass hammer
- Meaning: Something that is fragile and impractical.
- Example: That cheap wrench was as useless as a glass hammer—it broke on the first use!
Similes for Useless People
Sometimes, people don’t contribute much, and these similes describe them humorously.
As useless as a lifeguard at a desert pool
- Meaning: Someone in a job where they’re not needed.
- Example: He’s as useless as a lifeguard at a desert pool—there’s nothing to save!
Like a lighthouse in the middle of a forest
- Meaning: Someone in the wrong place for their skills.
- Example: Asking him to fix a car is like a lighthouse in the middle of a forest—completely misplaced.
As useful as a one-legged man in a kicking contest
- Meaning: Someone completely ineffective at their task.
- Example: Putting me in a math competition is as useful as a one-legged man in a kicking contest—I’d lose instantly!
Like a conductor without an orchestra
- Meaning: Someone trying to lead without anyone to follow.
- Example: He keeps giving orders, but no one listens—like a conductor without an orchestra.
As useful as a football with no air
- Meaning: Someone unable to perform their job properly.
- Example: A chef who can’t cook is as useful as a football with no air.
Similes for Useless Advice or Information
When words or advice don’t help, these similes describe the frustration.
As useful as a raincoat in a drought
- Meaning: Something completely unnecessary in the situation.
- Example: His advice on swimming techniques was as useful as a raincoat in a drought—I don’t even swim!
Like reading a cookbook to a fish
- Meaning: Giving information to someone who can’t use it.
- Example: Explaining computers to my grandma is like reading a cookbook to a fish—she just stares at me!
As useful as a map to a blind person
- Meaning: Something pointless because the person can’t use it.
- Example: Giving me a dance instruction book is as useful as a map to a blind person—I have two left feet!
Like a weather report for last week
- Meaning: Information that is too late to matter.
- Example: Telling me about the sale after it ended is like a weather report for last week—completely useless.
As useful as a waterproof sponge
- Meaning: Something that defeats its own purpose.
- Example: A silent alarm clock is as useful as a waterproof sponge—pointless!
Similes for Useless Actions
Some actions achieve nothing. These similes explain that frustration.
Like trying to catch smoke with bare hands
- Meaning: Something impossible to do.
- Example: Arguing with him is like trying to catch smoke with bare hands—pointless and exhausting.
As useful as shouting at the wind
- Meaning: A wasted effort that won’t change anything.
- Example: Complaining about the rain is as useful as shouting at the wind—it won’t stop!
Like watering a plastic plant
- Meaning: Doing something completely unnecessary.
- Example: Trying to train my cat is like watering a plastic plant—a waste of time.
As useless as rowing a boat on dry land
- Meaning: Trying something that has no chance of working.
- Example: Convincing him to apologize is as useless as rowing a boat on dry land.
Like teaching a rock to sing
- Meaning: Trying something that will never happen.
- Example: Explaining grammar rules to my little brother is like teaching a rock to sing—he just doesn’t care!
Similes for Useless Feelings and Promises
Sometimes, emotions or words feel empty. These similes describe those moments.
As useful as regret after the damage is done
- Meaning: Feeling bad when it’s too late to fix things.
- Example: His apology was as useful as regret after the damage is done—the harm was already done.
Like a key that doesn’t fit any lock
- Meaning: Something or someone that doesn’t have a purpose.
- Example: His advice was like a key that doesn’t fit any lock—completely pointless.
As useful as a broken promise
- Meaning: Words that mean nothing because they weren’t kept.
- Example: His promise to be on time is as useful as a broken promise—he’s never punctual.
Like a fire without heat
- Meaning: Something that looks real but serves no purpose.
- Example: Their friendship was like a fire without heat—all for show, but no real connection.
As useless as fake money in a real store
- Meaning: Something that seems valuable but isn’t.
- Example: His words were as useless as fake money in a real store—sounded good, but meant nothing.
Conclusion: Expressing Uselessness Creatively
From broken objects to pointless efforts, these similes make descriptions more colorful and fun. Whether you’re writing, joking, or venting frustration, these similes bring humor and clarity to your words.
Which one is your favorite? Or do you have your own useless simile? Share in the comments below! 😊
